Expanding Consciousness - Rod Lore
The goal of an IFS session is to help create a space where Self and the parts of a person can connect. When people enter an IFS session, they enter it with their whole system, with all their parts and their Self. And the session revolves around what's happening in this internal system.
For the Self-Part relationship to happen, we need to find the part and create a safe space for it to meet Self. To do that, we use an IFS process called the 6 F’s. In this article, we go over what each of these 6 F’s, or six steps, and how we can put them into practice.
1. Find
An IFS session very rarely starts with a specific part, but they rather start with a challenging situation or behavior in our life. However, the IFS assumption is that these challenges arise when a part or a group of parts are having a hard time dealing with the situation —normally wounded parts that are stuck in extreme roles.
The wounded parts have a reason for what they're doing, but they're often helpless and exhausted, nonetheless. So, step one in the IFS 6 F’s process is to “Find” the part that needs our attention in or around our body.
So in this model, we start by talking about the situation and what the challenge is, and then getting down which part is affected by it. Usually there are certain emotions coming up with the experience, like feeling angry or dreadful, or having certain thoughts.
At this stage, we try to focus our attention on where we are feeling these emotions, thoughts or sensations in or around our body. This allows us to identify and explore the part that is creating that tension more clearly.
At this point, as we become consciously aware of it, the part begins to unblend a little from Self and we can feel a separation happening between the two.
2. Focus
After having found a part and located it somewhere in or around the body, the next step in the 6 F’s process is to turn our attention inwards and “Focus” on that part.
IFS works in the present, so ask yourself what is your experience of that part right now? Where do you feel that part right now? Where are those thoughts coming from? Try to connect with that part and the experience that it is having.
For many people, this step can feel unusual and sometimes even slightly scary. If that is the case for you, it means that there's another part present that's scared of turning the attention inwards. Especially if you’re not used to focusing on something that's happening within your system.
Whenever this happens, you need to remember that it is completely ok to feel this way and all parts are welcome.
In the beginning, you might feel that the part is who you are, the entity that drives your conscious existence. By focusing on the part and staying with the sensorial and emotional experience, you help it to slowly separate from Self and recognize it as an individual part and its own entity.
For the Self-Part relationship to happen, we need to find the part and create a safe space for it to meet Self. To do that, we use an IFS process called the 6 F’s. In this article, we go over what each of these 6 F’s, or six steps, and how we can put them into practice.
1. Find
An IFS session very rarely starts with a specific part, but they rather start with a challenging situation or behavior in our life. However, the IFS assumption is that these challenges arise when a part or a group of parts are having a hard time dealing with the situation —normally wounded parts that are stuck in extreme roles.
The wounded parts have a reason for what they're doing, but they're often helpless and exhausted, nonetheless. So, step one in the IFS 6 F’s process is to “Find” the part that needs our attention in or around our body.
So in this model, we start by talking about the situation and what the challenge is, and then getting down which part is affected by it. Usually there are certain emotions coming up with the experience, like feeling angry or dreadful, or having certain thoughts.
At this stage, we try to focus our attention on where we are feeling these emotions, thoughts or sensations in or around our body. This allows us to identify and explore the part that is creating that tension more clearly.
At this point, as we become consciously aware of it, the part begins to unblend a little from Self and we can feel a separation happening between the two.
2. Focus
After having found a part and located it somewhere in or around the body, the next step in the 6 F’s process is to turn our attention inwards and “Focus” on that part.
IFS works in the present, so ask yourself what is your experience of that part right now? Where do you feel that part right now? Where are those thoughts coming from? Try to connect with that part and the experience that it is having.
For many people, this step can feel unusual and sometimes even slightly scary. If that is the case for you, it means that there's another part present that's scared of turning the attention inwards. Especially if you’re not used to focusing on something that's happening within your system.
Whenever this happens, you need to remember that it is completely ok to feel this way and all parts are welcome.
In the beginning, you might feel that the part is who you are, the entity that drives your conscious existence. By focusing on the part and staying with the sensorial and emotional experience, you help it to slowly separate from Self and recognize it as an individual part and its own entity.
3. Fleshing out
The third step of the IFS 6 F’s process is to flesh out the part that we are focusing on by openly listening to its story and learning about it.
This step is important because it allows us to experience the part in the present moment which helps transform the part into an actual being that we are in connection with. Whereas in the beginning the part was only a vague emotion along with a feeling in the body or a thought.
Now, through focusing on it and allowing it to express itself, we learn that the part has its own needs, fears, and feelings. This visualization makes it easier for us to connect with the part and to explore how it behaves.
Ask yourself how does that part looks like? How does it feel? How does it seem to you? Help the part take a form that best expresses how it feels with all its emotions and reactions.
The third step of the IFS 6 F’s process is to flesh out the part that we are focusing on by openly listening to its story and learning about it.
This step is important because it allows us to experience the part in the present moment which helps transform the part into an actual being that we are in connection with. Whereas in the beginning the part was only a vague emotion along with a feeling in the body or a thought.
Now, through focusing on it and allowing it to express itself, we learn that the part has its own needs, fears, and feelings. This visualization makes it easier for us to connect with the part and to explore how it behaves.
Ask yourself how does that part looks like? How does it feel? How does it seem to you? Help the part take a form that best expresses how it feels with all its emotions and reactions.
4. Feel towards
At this point, we come to one of the most unique and important steps in the IFS 6 F’s process, which is called “Feel towards”. We will explore this step in more detail as it is highly important for the 6 F’s process and the IFS model to work. It also allows us to see whether we are in Self or not.
The fourth step starts with the question of “how do you feel towards that part?” The question is most often met with one of these three common answers.
First answer could be that “this part is me. I don't feel anything towards it”, which means that the part has still taken over the seat of consciousness. The part is still blended with you and there is no separation, which is okay. But that means Self is not yet present.
Another answer can be something like “I don't like it. I'm angry with it. And I think it's useless.” That shows we have a certain reaction and judgement towards the part, and we are not in a curious, open connection with it. This is because another part has taken over the seat of consciousness and is blended with us, determining how we feel towards the part we are exploring.
The unique way the IFS model handles this conflict is by asking the blended part for some space. You can ask the part, “is it okay for you to step aside a little so I can get to know you? Because I can’t get to know you when you are merged with me.”
And it is fascinating how often the part loosens its grip on Self and allows for some space in between. In that space Self can learn more about this new part and hear what it has to say.
However, sometimes the part does not feel safe enough to let go. In these cases, you need to offer reassurance and address its fears.
Remember that we are not pushing any part away. When the part feels safe enough, it will naturally steps aside. And when it happens, we suddenly feel different towards the part we previously disliked and our extreme emotions are replaced by openness and curiosity.
This leads us to the third common answer to this question which is “I feel open towards it and actually curious. I want to learn more and understand it.” This would mean both the part and Self are present.
Here Self is the inhabitant of the seat of consciousness and is interacting with that part. In this state we are naturally experiencing the eight C’s, i.e., confidence, calmness, creativity, clarity, curiosity, courage, compassion, and connectedness. This is important because IFS suggests that while parts can help other parts, only Self is the agent of healing and transformation.
5. BeFriending
When both Self and the part are present and in connection, we can start the fifth step of the 6 F’s process, which is called “BeFriending”.
Now Self and the part start to develop a real relationship. They become friends, and this means for Self to learn about the part. Ask the part why it does what it does? What is the positive intention it has for the system? How does it feel? What are its fears?
When Self learns about the part, it starts to develop an understanding, but also an embodied compassion and kindness towards it.
While Self may not agree with what the part does or how it does it, it begins to see those positive intentions, hopes, worries, and fears and understands its clumsy attempts to protect the system.
This is where Self shares compassion, understanding, and clarity with the part. Sometimes, at this point, parts become immediately aware of Self. However, other times, even though they may share with Self about their roles, fears, and intentions, they are not actually aware that what they are connecting with is Self, because they are meeting Self for the first time.
So, we need to help the part witness Self as something different from other parts, something in the system that is stronger, bigger, and more powerful than any part itself, and it does not judge or cast blames, and only wants to support and compassionately understand.
It can be cathartic for the part to understand that no matter how it feels or what it has done, it is welcome to be heard and seen as all parts are welcome by Self.
This allows the part to relax and let its guard down. The part can begin to trust Self and be with Self in a way that it has never been before. It can now show its intentions and motivations without getting overly activated.
To learn more about befriending your protectors, please read our other article on this topic, Meeting Protectors.
6. Fears
Once the protective part has felt the compassion and acceptance from Self, we can begin the next and final step of the 6 F’s process which is called “Fears.”
Here Self begins to understand and ask, what are the biggest fears this part has? What does the part think would happen if it stopped doing what it's doing? What does this part believe would happen if it didn't hold on so tight, if it didn't constantly take over the system to avoid what it’s afraid of?
We try to get to the core of the fear by repeating these questions again and again: imagine asking an anxious, hyper-responsible part what would happen if it didn’t constantly try to control everything and make things “right”?
Its answer might be, “then nobody would like me!” You can continue by asking, “what would happen if nobody liked you?” And the part may say “I would be abandoned and feel all alone.”
This is when we understand and truly appreciate the hard work this protector has been doing for so long.
By asking questions and getting to the core of this fear and digging through the past experiences that come up, you may feel a different, very vulnerable, and wounded part emerge to the surface. A part that was wounded by this feeling of abandonment so deeply at some point in your life. This vulnerable part, which is called an exile, is what that part has been trying to protect all this time.
The Next Steps
This process is complete after befriending the protector and finding out about the exile, and we can proceed to repeat the 6 F’s process with the exile if the protector permits us to get to know and understand it.
Whether you are working on your own or with a therapist, a good understanding of the 6 F’s process as well as the rest of the IFS model is essential to connect with the wounded parts of yourself and help them heal.
So if you want to learn more about IFS techniques and processes, Click Here to join our IFS Self-Healers Community and start your IFS Journey for Free!
At this point, we come to one of the most unique and important steps in the IFS 6 F’s process, which is called “Feel towards”. We will explore this step in more detail as it is highly important for the 6 F’s process and the IFS model to work. It also allows us to see whether we are in Self or not.
The fourth step starts with the question of “how do you feel towards that part?” The question is most often met with one of these three common answers.
First answer could be that “this part is me. I don't feel anything towards it”, which means that the part has still taken over the seat of consciousness. The part is still blended with you and there is no separation, which is okay. But that means Self is not yet present.
Another answer can be something like “I don't like it. I'm angry with it. And I think it's useless.” That shows we have a certain reaction and judgement towards the part, and we are not in a curious, open connection with it. This is because another part has taken over the seat of consciousness and is blended with us, determining how we feel towards the part we are exploring.
The unique way the IFS model handles this conflict is by asking the blended part for some space. You can ask the part, “is it okay for you to step aside a little so I can get to know you? Because I can’t get to know you when you are merged with me.”
And it is fascinating how often the part loosens its grip on Self and allows for some space in between. In that space Self can learn more about this new part and hear what it has to say.
However, sometimes the part does not feel safe enough to let go. In these cases, you need to offer reassurance and address its fears.
Remember that we are not pushing any part away. When the part feels safe enough, it will naturally steps aside. And when it happens, we suddenly feel different towards the part we previously disliked and our extreme emotions are replaced by openness and curiosity.
This leads us to the third common answer to this question which is “I feel open towards it and actually curious. I want to learn more and understand it.” This would mean both the part and Self are present.
Here Self is the inhabitant of the seat of consciousness and is interacting with that part. In this state we are naturally experiencing the eight C’s, i.e., confidence, calmness, creativity, clarity, curiosity, courage, compassion, and connectedness. This is important because IFS suggests that while parts can help other parts, only Self is the agent of healing and transformation.
5. BeFriending
When both Self and the part are present and in connection, we can start the fifth step of the 6 F’s process, which is called “BeFriending”.
Now Self and the part start to develop a real relationship. They become friends, and this means for Self to learn about the part. Ask the part why it does what it does? What is the positive intention it has for the system? How does it feel? What are its fears?
When Self learns about the part, it starts to develop an understanding, but also an embodied compassion and kindness towards it.
While Self may not agree with what the part does or how it does it, it begins to see those positive intentions, hopes, worries, and fears and understands its clumsy attempts to protect the system.
This is where Self shares compassion, understanding, and clarity with the part. Sometimes, at this point, parts become immediately aware of Self. However, other times, even though they may share with Self about their roles, fears, and intentions, they are not actually aware that what they are connecting with is Self, because they are meeting Self for the first time.
So, we need to help the part witness Self as something different from other parts, something in the system that is stronger, bigger, and more powerful than any part itself, and it does not judge or cast blames, and only wants to support and compassionately understand.
It can be cathartic for the part to understand that no matter how it feels or what it has done, it is welcome to be heard and seen as all parts are welcome by Self.
This allows the part to relax and let its guard down. The part can begin to trust Self and be with Self in a way that it has never been before. It can now show its intentions and motivations without getting overly activated.
To learn more about befriending your protectors, please read our other article on this topic, Meeting Protectors.
6. Fears
Once the protective part has felt the compassion and acceptance from Self, we can begin the next and final step of the 6 F’s process which is called “Fears.”
Here Self begins to understand and ask, what are the biggest fears this part has? What does the part think would happen if it stopped doing what it's doing? What does this part believe would happen if it didn't hold on so tight, if it didn't constantly take over the system to avoid what it’s afraid of?
We try to get to the core of the fear by repeating these questions again and again: imagine asking an anxious, hyper-responsible part what would happen if it didn’t constantly try to control everything and make things “right”?
Its answer might be, “then nobody would like me!” You can continue by asking, “what would happen if nobody liked you?” And the part may say “I would be abandoned and feel all alone.”
This is when we understand and truly appreciate the hard work this protector has been doing for so long.
By asking questions and getting to the core of this fear and digging through the past experiences that come up, you may feel a different, very vulnerable, and wounded part emerge to the surface. A part that was wounded by this feeling of abandonment so deeply at some point in your life. This vulnerable part, which is called an exile, is what that part has been trying to protect all this time.
The Next Steps
This process is complete after befriending the protector and finding out about the exile, and we can proceed to repeat the 6 F’s process with the exile if the protector permits us to get to know and understand it.
Whether you are working on your own or with a therapist, a good understanding of the 6 F’s process as well as the rest of the IFS model is essential to connect with the wounded parts of yourself and help them heal.
So if you want to learn more about IFS techniques and processes, Click Here to join our IFS Self-Healers Community and start your IFS Journey for Free!
Author: Blanca Dasi
Blanca holds a master’s degree in design studies from Harvard University and is passionate about creating immersive experiences that can take the user safely and enjoyably through a transformational healing journey.
Blanca holds a master’s degree in design studies from Harvard University and is passionate about creating immersive experiences that can take the user safely and enjoyably through a transformational healing journey.